Sky Hye Report

Things are chugging along over here. I'm about a day away from completing a major portion of my how to measure the posing model segment. Once finished with that, I will start on the how to add a head section: with the face so complex and head so symmetrical, special treatments need mentioning there. That will lead to a further bump up in detail -- how to measure for portraiture. One last part will suggest approaches to final contour. The last topic will cover learning to measure without any device. It seems like things are still on schedule.

I just got news that the computer I was waiting for will be available to ship in August, which is better than September. After I get the new system together, I will finally be able to make this project behave. It is possible that my first rough placement of the timeline will be complete just before the new system arrives. That'll be so cool. All difficult decisions will have been tackled, leaving my mind clear to clean up and finish the project.

When this project is over, and if it finally bears fruit, I'm throwing a Guilty Party.
I've been saying this ever since I was ...pause... in my 20's... and that's a long time!

The thing that keeps me from throwing that party is, I haven't fulfilled the second half of the requirement. I haven't achieved a point in life where my preferred work is self-sustaining. I remain more determined to reach career success than seek the enjoyment of friends. I love to visit with friends. I believe they enjoy my company, too. But I learned that I can't socialize and reach career success at the same time.

This video project is huge. Before that, running a school was huge. All-consuming activities like these leave little time for friendships. Painting full time is how I crave to spend my time again, but this has not yet proven to be self-sustaining work. Had it been, I could have found balance in life long ago. I hate to think how happy decades of my life would have been, had I found success early and never suffered this guilt over neglected friends.

As I see it, the only cure for this guilt is to power through my current project and get it on the market. Looking at it, I believe the dvd will be so good, it will surely sell well. If it does as well as I think it will, and if it opens out a block of time for painting, I will at last be able to reconnect with neglected friends.

I have a growing list of names that only evoke excruciating feelings of guilt when I think of them. They don't deserve to be associated with pain. I care for these people and should only feel happiness when I think of them. How do I reconnect when the pain of guilt stands in the way? My solution has always been to reach that obscure state of career stability, and then throw a big Guilty Party with great food in a beautiful outdoor setting. I will come clean, confess my guilt, and accept recriminations as they come -- you know, just get it all out there and completely over with. Maybe after that, I will be free of this enormous burden of guilt.
What will it feel like, I wonder?

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